MY KIDS, MY LIFE
AUTHOR/WRITER: TERIBA NEEMAH.I
Getting married they say is one of the biggest task in life, they say marriage is half of faith. How easily can a man change from being your heartthrob to being a Monster
My friend’s wedding ceremony was one of the best I’ve seen, It was the talk of the town for years. I myself wished I would have an elaborate celebration like that of my friend. While we were asked to speak about the couple, I said to them that I’m sure their marriage was going to be one of the best because before now, these couple could make you wish for their kind of life. Knowing them in school was intimidating, they were so loving and they won the best couple award consecutively. They would look at eachother like they can’t get enough of themselves, they’d hold hands anywhere, and blow kisses at eachother anywhere possible. It was a wedding indeed. She gave birth to two kids and that was when her trouble began.
I didn’t know she was going though alot because she always sounded fine whenever I check up on her, until the day I got to her house, when I heard her husband beating her even while she was pregnant. The security man said to me, “madam no put your mouth for this matter because my oga e go beat you join” “This one no be new thing, oga e dey beat madam everyday” I couldn’t belive my ears, this couple didn’t look like ones that would have issues later. I was lost in thought when I heard a door slam, it was my friend’s husband who walked passed me angrily, muttering curses to my friend. I was filled with tears as I wanted to pull him back and ask why he’d ever raise his hands on my friend. But I couldn’t because the voice I could hear was that of my friend, screaming for help. I rushed into the apartment while I saw her lying on the floor surrounded with a pool of blood, she was bleeding due to the miscarriage her husband caused while beating her. I took her to the hospital and waited till she got treated so I could at least ask her why and how she got herself into this. She didn’t wake up that day so I had to go home.
The next day, I got to the hospital, I met my friend lying helplessly on the bed with her eyes swollen. I couldn’t stop crying for her sight was pathetic. Adeola why did you do this to yourself? Why would you let a man do this to you? Did you go missing and you couldn’t find yourself? You’re pretty and smart, why did you allow a man belittle you?
I’m sorry I’m not a good inspiration to all women, I thought I could endure this, but the table wasn’t in my favour at all, she said. Shade, please be sure before going into the journey of marriage. Its more than a journey, its a war. You don’t go for war without weapons, I had my weapons but they weren’t enough, she added. How did it all start? I asked her, then her story began.
It all started after our wedding, we were barren for a year, so I started seeking medical help. He was supportive at first and I even thought the problem was with me. I later saw a doctor who made me realise it was my husband that had the problem. I informed him and my suffering began. He said I was looking for his downfall, he said I exposed his secret to everyone and now everyone would think he’s impotent. I made him realise it was a minor illness that could be cured if he was willing to but my advise was followed by a slap and alot of beating which landed me in the hospital. He heeded to the advice to seek medical help after which I was admitted to the hospital where he was trying to ask for forgiveness. I forgave him for I thought that was the last straw because he promised heaven and earth. He became nice when I got pregnant and acted like his old self to me. The moment I put to bed and he realised it was a girl, another trouble started. He first complained the child is a bastard because she was fair and he is dark. I tried explaining that’s how babies are when they are newly born but I was answered with a slap which was followed by “I know you’ve open your legs for the doctors, you better return the child to them”. My child’s upbringing was a terrible one for he always beats me all the time. It is not that he doesn’t know that beating is bad but he enjoys it and it makes him feel like a man. He would apologise after all these, but all apologises was a camouflage. There was a day my child was sick, so my mother gave me black soap to bath her. He saw it in the bathroom and claimed I’ve been visiting herbalist so I can charm him. He accused I and my mother of being witches and said we can’t kill him. He beat me to a pulp that night and sent I and my daughter out of the house under the rain. He came back looking for us by himself and took us back home. He cheats on me and I dare not talk for I’d be replied by a slap and the statement “respect me, I’m your husband and I’m the man of the house, I’m the head”.
I perceived a girl’s perfume on his body, I asked him that night, but what followed was something I’d never forget in my life. He beat and raped me at the same time and that was how I gave birth to my second child which is now the last. He didn’t really mistreat me when he realised I was pregnant. Although he claimed I was going to give birth to another bastard, but when he realised it was a boy, the maltreatment reduced until I gave birth. He loves his son and he didn’t touch me at all, only occasionally when he gives me one slap or hit me on my butt like I’m his child and say things like “I’m only correcting you” after the birth of my son, the mistreatment reduced until some months later when he got drunk and he raped me again which cause the pregnancy. I didn’t know I was pregnant, I went to hospital for treatment where pregnancy test was included. I told him about it when I got home and he started insulting me. Are you a pig? Must you get pregnant everytime they touch you? Oh so you want to give birth to another bastard abi? Let me warn you, this child must be not be in my house for I won’t take resolinsibilty on this. Maybe you should give birth on the road or inside public bus like your mates do, he said. You know there’s no money for now and you’re still getting pregnant anyhow, he added. I’m not God, I didn’t impregnate myself I said back to him. Oh so you’re talking back at me now, I’ll beat you till you die with your bastard was the last I heard.
God I couldn’t stop crying, Adeola why did you endure all this? I asked. I did it for my children, she answerd. My children are my life, I feel strengthened knowing I have them. I don’t want them growing up in a separated home. I didn’t want them to think their mother is a weakling who couldn’t endure pain for the betterment of their life. I didn’t want them to disregard their father, I wanted them to love him regardless. I thought that would be impossible if I’d left. I wanted them to know that a MOTHER isn’t just called a MOTHER for a Mother is one who would sacrifice anything for her children. I wanted my son to know the importance of a woman.
I went to the war of marriage with my weapon I guess over used my weapons and I didn’t really use some. Be submissive, I was too submissive. Be patient, I was too patient, be a good listener and a good less talker, I listened too much and I didn’t talk at all. Commit your marriage into the hands of God, I didn’t do half of that. We were disrupted by the doctor who informed us that she was free to go home. All these while, her husband didn’t check up on her so I volunteered to drop her home.
After few weeks, I went back to her house but everywhere seem empty. The only person I could find was the security guard. Ha madam he don come again, sorry for wettin happen to big madam. What do you mean by that? I asked him. Big madam e don die last week, oga he nack in head for wall. Oga don talk say make I know tell anybody because nobody know the truth but I dey tell you so you go fight for big madam
My tears couldn’t stop flowing, Adeola lost her life all because she was enduring for her children’s sake. All these wouldn’t have happen If she had taken a bold step. She claimed wanted to teach her children, but how would she do that when she’s dead? Would she do that from the grave? Please, do not endure what would take your life. Your wards will like you better when you’re alive, not when you’re dead.