Grrrrrrrrrr! Grrrrrrrrr!

I pull the covers back and reach for my phone on the mini drawers attached to the bed frame, its Sandra.

Sandra: “hello! Babe…wassup?”

“hey…is it 10 O’clock already?”

Sandra: “no its past 9, are you still sleeping? When Shafiat is already on her way to my place”

“yeah…I’m not Shafiat na”

Sandra: “stand up joor! Get dressed and be ready for 10!”

“I’ve heard you…madam alarm clock…awon early birds”

Sandra: “don’t keep us waiting o! 10 is 10!”

The line goes dead, I stretch my full length and prepare for the day.


After spending about three hours walking around Balogun Market, we head back to Daniel’s place_

Sandra: “babe this your boyfriend has money oh…how did you say you met him again?”


Shafiat please keep your big mouth shut.

“oh we met at a bar on the island here…”

Sandra: “just like that?! Please I need a guy like that in my life…I’m tired of broke-ass niggas. See now ordinary shoe of 7K I can barely afford, yet you bought brazillian hair of 55k, and still bought 14k bag for me…on top which you’re using Iphone 7 o!”

“hehehehehhehehehehe…its not all from my boyfriend now…you know I helped someone get a buyer for his land last month…I made money off that na”

Sandra: “na so! Abeggi! Sha help me find rich guy”

“what do you think of Hakeem? I know he’s interested in you…”

Sandra: “that one ke! He’s broke now…plus he just graduated, how much can he have?”

“hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehe! No! he graduated two years ago, and works for my boyfriend so I can assure you he is very comfortable”

Sandra: “oh I didn’t know…link us na”

“for why? You’ve met him already and you have his number so send him a message on whatsapp or call him just to say hi and see where it goes from there…”

Sandra: “alright, I’ll try that but incase he doesn’t work out, help me get plan B”

“you for say make I open dating site…hehehhehehe!”

Shafiat is unusually quiet…a bit strange, she hasn’t said a word since we got back and has been staring at every inch of the apartment, like she’s checking it out or something. Or maybe she’s just exhausted.

Who knows?


Daniel: “have you called your mother to confirm your flight ticket?”

“I will…tomorrow, I’m not in the mood to talk to her”

Daniel: “I get…but I do think this might be good for you two…maybe fix your relationship…who knows!”

“Na…the woman is a witch…it would take a miracle to fix us”

Daniel: “never say never”

I murmur in response and crawl into his arms.


A week later…

It’s a little past noon and I’ve just landed in Johannesburg for my mother’s wedding, I am on the verge of having a panic attack as I sight my mother and an Italian-looking dude with a receding hairline. He looks forty-ish and quite fit, I pause unsure of how to greet my mother and end up hugging her stiffly to keep the loving baby sister façade, I hug Anthony a lot more warmly, after all he will be family soon. We all pile into Anthony’s Range Rover and began the ride home.

Well done mama! Nice catch! Very well done!

Anthony: “so…I’ts nice to finally meet you, your sister has told me so much about you…oh! How was your flight?”

I can only imagine the lies she’s spinned.

“oh it was nice…thank you. It’s nice to meet you too”

Anthony: “I hope you’re hungry cause my mother is cooking up a storm at home”

Having a step-grandma doesn’t sound so bad.

The following morning Anthony asked that I accompany him to the barber’s shop which sounded weird anyways but in the spirit of being a loving baby sis-in-law I agreed.

Anthony: “I hope you don’t think this weird?”


“Na…I don’t”

Anthony: “good…so your sister tells me you recently graduated from the university…what was your major?”

Major? Oh course!


Anthony: “nice…she didn’t say much about you though…growing up I mean…almost like she doesn’t want to talk about it…I don’t mean to pry but I will be family by this time tomorrow so?”

Well she didn’t want to reveal I’m actually her daughter and that she’s been a terrible mother, oh and the juicest part…that I’m a product of rape(thoughts)

“Hehehehehe…na she’s always been like that, so private plus by the time our parents had me she was almost grownup”

Anthony: hahahaha! Well if you call age 7 grown up…

Whoa! If she told him she was 7 as at the time of my birth then he thinks she’s 28?! My God!


How gullible is this guy?!

The rest of the day turned out to be fun, Anthony’s not so bad after all. We headed back home to join the final preparations for tomorrow’s festivities and that’s when my mother cornered me_

Mum: “wa n bi (come here), kini oko mi so fun e, ki lo beere lo wo e (what did Anthony ask you)?”


Mum: “je ko ri e pe, ma ba titemi je o (receive sense and don’t ruin my wedding)!”

I curse under my breath.

Mum: “ki lo wi (what did you just say)?”

“Nothing ma…sorry aunty”

Mum: “aunty ke? Sis!”



This is going to be a long weekend.




You may also like





  • Tfk_gawat
    June 27, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    Lol…. The mother is low-key doing “Yahoo Yahoo”

  • Temiloluwa
    June 28, 2017 at 9:17 am

    I know that there is no lie dat last forever.


About me

Nimota Ideraoluwa

Nimota Ideraoluwa

I am Teriba Nimota Ideraoluwa, I was born in Ogun state, into a family of eight, I'm the second child of the family and the first female child. Anike is a name my mum calls me whenever I'm sad , Anike is my Oriki (praise name). continue here...